


You need to lose me to find you

by painispeace



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Delirium, Hallucinations, Hurt Steve, Hurt Steve Rogers, Male Pregnancy, Miscarriage, Not A Fix-It, Not Happy, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pregnancy, Pregnant Tony Stark, Sorry Not Sorry, Steel born, Steve Angst, Steve Feels, Steve Rogers Feels, Stony - Freeform, Stony angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Tony Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-11 17:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21225218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/painispeace/pseuds/painispeace
Summary: "You couldn't have known," he hears Tony say.Except he could have.Only if he listened.He isn't real, Steve knows.But he sees him walking up to him and he can't help the ghastly shiver weighing down his spine.He can't be real.He is in a fucking coma, because of him."You didn't miscarry Steve, I did,"Tony tells him and it makes every inch of his skin crawl.Steve inches forward on the floor.He cries with the strength of a person vomiting on all fours.





	You need to lose me to find you

"You couldn't have known," he hears Tony say.

Except he could have.Only if he listened.

He isn't real, Steve knows.But he sees him walking up to him and he can't help the ghastly shiver weighing down his spine.

He can't be real.He is in a fucking coma, because of him.

"You didn't miscarry Steve, I did,"Tony tells him and it makes every inch of his skin crawl.Steve inches forward on the floor.He cries with the strength of a person vomiting on all fours.

Tony crouches down in front of him and cups his cheeks."You know what happened."Steve clenches his eyes shut.He can't bear to look at him.Except he can't see anything but him.

He can see Tony, on his knees in the snow."Let me explain!"Tony yelps,his meek tone dripping with panic and Steve considers it.He isn't even fighting back till....till....just then Bucky takes aim at his abdomen and he blasts away his arm.

Steve knows what happened.

Steve remembers seeing red.Steve remembers not listening to his desperate,pleading shrieks.He brings down the sheild,not pulling his punches and Tony blocks it with his arms.

"I AM PREGNANT!!"Tony screams,his frantic howl echoing across the abandoned base.

And then just a flash.Rage.Distrust.The Sheild crashing down on his middle.

"Not your fault ,"Tony whispers.But it will never not be.

"Whore..."he remembers thinking that.Thinking that it was a lie.

He tries to touch Tony but his fingers fleet through the air.He can't feel his exquisite warm,tan skin.

Tony is everywhere except right here and it's all his fault.

He scrambles for the gun,hands trembling.The latest Wakandan model.He struggles to hold it steady.For the first time he feels his age.Frail and sickly.

"Dont!"Tony pleads.But Steve can already hear the metal clinking as he loads it.His eyes are blurry,he can't actually see it but years worth of muscle memory doesn't betray you like he did.

"What should I even wake up for then?"Tony sounds angry and he has every right to be.Steve feels his disease,his sins manifested in his palm as he grips the handle and places a finger on the trigger.

"I will need you.You can't do this to me,after everything. "The grimly knot in his stomatch tightens,if its even possible to twist it further.

"Why did you even come?"Steve bawls."You knew...you knew....." He is shivering all over as the cold metal presses across his temple.

Yes,Tony knew but not until it was too late.

"I trusted you...always will,"the inventor states with certainty and Steve has to swallow the bile in his throat.

"You shouldn't have!"he screams with agony.He is a genius.He should have known.He had said he won't trust a man without a dark side.Then why was he so blind to Steve's?

No,Tony won't need Steve.

Steve will destroy him because he doesn't know how not to and he has to stop that,at every cost!

Tony eyes Steve with an unreadable look.One that means that he is sorry he can't make him see the bigger picture.He is sorry it has to be this way.

"I know and...I am sorry,"Steve manages to mumble.

Tony will wake up.Because it takes a lot more to kill Tony Stark.

Iron man will save everyone.And Tony Stark?Steve will save him.That's the only way.

So what if Tony will be crazy mad at him.This is worth everything.

"I still hope you miss me sometimes."He would be lying if he doesn't and he can't lie to him again."And I hope that's the reason you smile."

"Oneday...Oneday you will find someone who will love you like I never could."

His hand trembles and the muzzle shakes against his temple.He has to steel himself.

He has failed him once.He can't again.Tony deserves to wake up to a better world.

"Sorry...Sorry"he moans.

He pulls the trigger.

**Author's Note:**

> Do let me know what you think:)  
Comments and kudos make my day.  
Also check out the new insta page https://www.instagram.com/intonystarkwetrust/  
Name of the page: InTonyStarkwetrust


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